My father passed away about 3 weeks ago, and the current thing that I am passionate about is setting myself up to be and stay doing things that would make him proud and honor his memory
When I say I was close with my dad, that doesnt even scratch the surface. Im 24, and I can think of maybe three weeks worth of days across my entire life where I didnt talk to him (and most of those were solo camping without cell service). Me and that man would do everything together, talk every day, share ideas, the works.
I dont want his death to be the end of my relationship with my dad, so I am currently making changes in myself that he would want to see: less soda, more exercise, more social interactions, keeping up on my health conditions more, etc. As well as doing things that I think honor his idea: trying to catalogue all of the family assets like pictures, audio recordings, letters, stories; making sure that I am not holding on to crap, and then actively protecting the good stuff I am holding on to; living every day in a way that I think is on par with his high but reasonable expectations of me as if he were still here.
I hope that as long as I live I never stop missing him or living as if he is always watching. At the end of the day, I think possibly his greatest wish for me would be to live in a way that would always make him proud, because the things he would be proud of me for are both things that I can be proud of myself for, and things that EVERYONE should be proud of.
Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a very close relationship with him that must make it really hard.
I lost my dad 7 years ago last month, and it's been the hardest thing in my life. If it's any consolation for you, you will never stop missing him. This Reddit post really helped me during the really hard times https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_...
Be present is the best thing I can say. The golden rule is one that everyone should follow, so if there was anything your father lacked with you, make sure to put in that effort with your sons.
Finally, what works for everyone is very different. My dad was always concerned with my weight, so he would flat out say “oh hey you’re looking kinda chunky today” and while many would think that is kinda mean, the kinda relationship we had showed me that that meant he cared about me and was worried I was eating too much or not exercising enough. But if you as a dad said that same thing to your kids, they may resent you for it. Go with your instincts and be the kind of dad you would want, and if you had the desire to succeed for their benefit, I’m sure you’ll do great.
Remember that kids aren’t little gremlins… they are people like you and me that just haven’t developed as much yet. So treat them like humans, instill all of the values you hope for early, and just hope they stick! It might sound vain to say, but I like to think that a lot of what makes a kid like their dad as much as I liked mine was just the fact that I’m a pretty good kid :)
God bless and do your best! You’re already more than half way there with that attitude!
In my case it took a major life event of losing my father and my best friend to shove me in the right direction, but these changes take time. One of my good friends has been working on becoming a better, more well rounded person for a long time because of the "little pains" and is finally starting to see big changes after about 2 or 3 years of progress.
Dont give up! There is always time to be a better person that you yourself can be proud of. You never stop improving till the day you die, so just stick with it and you will be making moves that you will be so so proud of.
The only advice that I can personally give you is that you need to start off with only making moves that you are confident you can stick to. Dont upend your whole life at once! If you want to keep a garden, for example, try one plant first! Its a lot easier to keep a cactus alive than a flowerbed
I also lost my father in 2021, and my life hasn't been the same. I have to deal with a ton of more responsibilities while taking care of my mother and brother. I was also very close to him, and we went on trips whenever we were free and shared similar interests in photography and cycling.
I've been doing my best to live upto his expectations, and hope you'll be able to do so too. Best of luck friend.
I lost my father to murder several years ago and have been waking up thinking of him a lot this week. Somehow I really found your post comforting. Thank you.
Almost every day I wake up and say “oh man I wonder what my dad is doing today?” And it kinda hits me all at once.
Remember your dad fondly, live a life he would be proud of and proud to call you his son/daughter, and do your best in everything and you will always have him with you. He’s in every cell of your body, and he is in every crevice of your brain.
Glad my story and I were able to comfort you some!
When I say I was close with my dad, that doesnt even scratch the surface. Im 24, and I can think of maybe three weeks worth of days across my entire life where I didnt talk to him (and most of those were solo camping without cell service). Me and that man would do everything together, talk every day, share ideas, the works.
I dont want his death to be the end of my relationship with my dad, so I am currently making changes in myself that he would want to see: less soda, more exercise, more social interactions, keeping up on my health conditions more, etc. As well as doing things that I think honor his idea: trying to catalogue all of the family assets like pictures, audio recordings, letters, stories; making sure that I am not holding on to crap, and then actively protecting the good stuff I am holding on to; living every day in a way that I think is on par with his high but reasonable expectations of me as if he were still here.
I hope that as long as I live I never stop missing him or living as if he is always watching. At the end of the day, I think possibly his greatest wish for me would be to live in a way that would always make him proud, because the things he would be proud of me for are both things that I can be proud of myself for, and things that EVERYONE should be proud of.